19-08-2011

Today end of examination. Yes, everything is over. But, no, not yet.

Pretty simple and easy task, done within minutes, and move my ass away from the college compound. Practical examination always make me feel proud, in the bad way. That make me feel like I’m the best among all, while I’m not.

After the long long waiting, waiting, and waiting, it’s finally time to go out. Dinner time. Tony, Yung Wei, Yuen San, and me. Oh who’s that. A new friend. Julie? Yupe I assume, since I heard them call her that way.

It’s funny that she’s happy over something I made out of flyers and papers. I never expect such excited response. I feel glad that she loves it. =D
All the effort of thinking, measuring, sketching, cutting and joining, worth it! =)
I’m so happy that she love it. =D (Dancing with joy) HAHAHA

Now it’s 11:51pm MST while I’m writing this sentence. Everybody is celebrating their end of examination. While I dig myself a hole and jump into it. It’s not over, yet. Before I get the answer I want.

Tomorrow, I’m going to do nothing for 300 minutes in my life. Sitting in that Boeing 737, cruising with the speed of 800km/h+, leaving here. A place where my love is. Going home is a coincidence, a planned coincidence, with motive. Yet, with unknown consequences.

Might not know what’s is waiting me at the end of the road. But I will fight for what I want, for who I am. It’s 11:55pm now, start to rain already… Just like my feeling… Dark, cold, unclear vision, wet and hopeless…

But, there’s always rainbow after the rain, right? NO! If only there’s a SUN. Ok, surrender. No sun at the night time. No rainbow. Lighting and storm is joining the party now. They are flashing and roaring up the sky, far away from the reach of human being. They are phenomenal, while ignorant human being take them as God creation.

I do believe in God’s existence, but not such a God that who creates everything of the world. NO. Don’t convince me. Curse me to burn in hell wouldn’t change me. I’ve been cursed for years. I only believe in my own karma, and my own action. I can change, everything, if I want to. “Impossible, is just because you don’t know how, yet.”

Being emotional so easily this recent. I hope flying over the South China Sea bring me nearer to the answer I’m searching for. I fought and I’m praying for what I want. Be mercy and answer my prayer. HAHAHA

 

 

 

-Leonard-

16-08-2011

Start: 215 MST

WTH am I doing nothing can go into my brain already… ==

All that stupid assignment made my brain stuck and jammed.

I don’t care anymore… I better go to sleep…

Another subject killing me… Automatic Transmission ==

My life is getting miserable because of those so-called-many-years-experience instructor. F…!!!

Tue, hand up assignment. Pass my time.

Wed, holiday. Sleep? Study? Play? Eat?

Thu, theory exam.

Fri, practical exam.

Sat, back to Sabah.

and hell this is the 1st time I reluctant to leave this busy city… funny…

better go to sleep lol == surrender i can’t stand anymore…

 

 

-Leonard-

14-08-2011

something big going to happen tonight…

i’m so damn nervous and butterflies flying in my stomach…

hopefully everything will go smoothly… i’m really nervous for this…

can’t say much i’m just simply nervous, tension, and kind of depressed… ==

can’t do anything just hope everything will be fine.  i was fine, i’m fine and i will be fine… LOL

 

 

-Leonard-

12-08-2011

It’s been quite long time… Hmm…

Life goes on, huh…

Today, I got my result. CGPA 3.75. damn it drop below my target of 3.8 ==

and shit that nicardo gave me only 2.67 for my advance drive train system. i’m the best out of all !!! hell why all other get higher than me ??? just because i argued with him that he should teach us instead of asking us to refer to books and manuals ??? damn it…

things happened can’t be changed. yeah, life goes on. hopefully i can pull my result back up a little bit by the end of my course. might consider repeat the subject LOL but it’s too stupid and wasting of time ==!!!

I swear to myself I won’t get back to that shit result after I was terminated from UTAR. Even it’s just a diploma, i want to leave with pride, holding the 1st honour, and tell the world that i can do it LOL

That little pink colour plant grow bigger day by day ❤

 

 

-Leonard-

06-08-2011 七夕情人节+我的公公

今天是农历七月初七，七夕情人节……

今天百感交集呢@@

早上六点开始，眼睁睁的到七点，吵醒了那番薯后，最终顶不顺就下楼，看戏上网等时间过……

然后，下午就出去走走了 XD

开心的一天 XD 她答应的凉茶还真的有给我呢 XD 喝进嘴里苦的却甜在心里头 XD 午餐后去看戏，逛街再吃晚餐才回家 XD 这感觉一天比一天的变甜，也越来越自然，更像我自己了 XD 我们之间似乎有着很多的共同点，也许就是这样才互相吸引着对方吧？

晚餐时谈到了公公，突然让我想不起那张和蔼可亲的脸了……他离开15年了，当初我才一年级，什么都不知道的一个毛小子……印象中的公公，永远都那么和蔼可亲的样子。虽然不笑，但却不觉得可怕的脸。

曾经，只要我视线停留在某个玩具超过三秒，回家后那玩具就会出现在我面前。公公送我的最后一个东西就是一架玩具船，电动的玩具船。想当初，那可是很贵很贵的玩具，一般普通的家庭是不可能会买给自己的儿女的。我很珍惜，我很喜欢，我都不舍得拿出去玩，只在家里厕所水缸里玩。

直到，某年某月的某一天，我带着那船，去海边玩。朋友向我借来玩。好吧，大家一场朋友，况且公公应该不希望自己的孙那么自私吧？一转头，我的船向着大海出发了……

妈的为什么把我的船对着海的方向放？
什么嘛，船不都是要去海的对岸的吗？

一个大浪，没了，消失了，就这样，在眼前消失了……

曾经我很讨厌很恨这个朋友……现在想回头，是我太幼稚了……

对啊，船都是要到海的对岸才被发明的啊。但是他忽略了，我的只不过是一个玩具船，还不具备出海的条件。我心碎了……船，再也不会回来了。

有时候，很多东西，知人口面不知心……
嘴上称兄道弟，背后砍你弟弟……

有时候真的觉得，好累，好累……不想再撑下去了……好希望可以不理世俗的眼光，脱离这个世界，做自己真正想做的事情……带着一副面具去面对别人，好辛苦……明明不行也要说 no problem I’ll fix it，明明很累却说i can handle，明明很讨厌却要说thank you sir，明明很想打人却笑着说we are friend， we are brother……狗屁！

真的只是有时候，有时候，很想找个怀抱，找个人抱着自己，什么也不要说，让我静静的哭……这个世界太现实，太残酷，从来不会给我们一个心理准备去接受现实……有时候，只想这样静静的呆在你身边，牵着你的手，什么都不说的聆听世界的声音。

很幸运的我，遇到了你。一切都太过美好，似乎完美无缺。

但，我却害怕，害怕这是一场梦，害怕梦醒，又是一场空。

害怕，又再一次的受伤害。我曾经，封锁着自己，但它却不顾一切的与你会面。不知道什么时候，它走出了自己的世界，又还是，你走入了我的世界？

在你面前，我可以很自然，我可以不顾形象，我可以不理仪态，我可以把所有的事情都告诉你……似乎，我就是那么赤裸裸的在你面前，把所有一切都让你看清楚了……

我又开始害怕，让你看清楚了我的一切，会不会我就再也没有值得留恋，没有价值了。我从来不懂的如何去面对女生，也从来搞不懂女生的心到底怎样想。我只知道，在你面前我很自然，和你一起我很开心。那，不就够了吗？

曾经，有人说过，爱情就好像毒药，但人们都愿意把它吞下。

也曾经，有人说过，幸福就好像鬼魂，每天都有人讨论，虽然我们看不到，但其实它就在我们身边。

我的爱情，像一朵正在萌芽的小花，需要阳光，水分，和空气。这一次，我不要再让我的小花被破坏了……我会好好的守护着它，直到它开花结果。

这份感情，得来不易。我会好好珍惜。

 

 

 

-Leonard-

05-08-2011

What should i said… hmm…

My life is changing… LOL XD

every since the sweet potato invaded my secret garden… i felt changes happening around me… or according to Einstein theory of relativity, it’s not the surrounding that changes, it’s me that I'm the one changing…? HAHAHAHA

she’s really a special girl i never met before… i can’t recall even one, human of such existence, in my life. she’s the one. the one and only one.

i don’t know why, i would tell her everything… something that i can keep it for myself, until the day i die… but it happen that, i can’t… i don’t want to hide anything from somebody i love… no matter what the consequence it might bring up to me… i can only accept, because it was my mistake, my fault.

turn out that, she’s really totally different from all the human i ever met… LOL or maybe she’s not a human… her existence in my world resemble an angel… she didn’t blame didn’t scold didn’t angry… i felt even more guilty…

i will appreciate every moment we have, no matter how the future will be… days by days, my feeling toward this sweet potato is getting deeper and deeper… i just can’t help myself from falling into it HAHAHA XD

我偏爱无花果般的你
朴素平庸的外表下
蕴含着内在的灿烂

自私的希望永远不要有人发现你的好
自私的期望你能够永远停留在我怀抱
爱上你灿烂的微笑，每一秒都那么美好；
傻傻的奢望一起慢慢变老，一起诉说过去的天荒地老；
幸福到那里找，没了你办不到；
因为有你，才发现世界多么美好。

无花果的花语是：丰富
就像你一样，丰富了我的世界，我的心灵。

希望我们的爱情能够想草莓花一样 XD

 

 

 

-Leonard-

02-08-2011

Today is 3rd of August, yesterday was my birthday.

I’m officially 22.

And I was cheated by that sweet potato HAHAHA XD

The best every birthday in my life, so far. And the best every birthday present I had.

I will always remember what happen that day XD

 

 

-Leonard-